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Experiences are our greatest teachers. They shape how we treat others, how we see the world around us, and how we view ourselves. How we view ourselves is also known as our self identity and is defined as the qualities and potential you possess. It can influence the choices you make, the attitude you have day-to-day, and ultimately, it becomes your inner voice. For youth especially, a positive self identity can have a massive impact on who they become as adults. There are many ways parents can help their kids develop a positive self identity, and at First Tee we pride ourselves in nurturing a positive self identity for youth. Here are three ways you can help your kids develop a positive self identity inspired by our core values. 

Live Your Values

Kids watch and learn from the adults in their lives every day. Studying their actions and responses, they develop their identity based on their guardians and the other mentors in their life. If you live according to the values you want your kids to have, then they are more likely to absorb that into their own independent lives. That being said, having a mentor is a great way to ensure this happens. At First Tee,youth learn from their coaches by:

• Treating others with respect and honesty 
• Experiencing the value of teamwork, not just by being told to act as a team but by witnessing their coach lead with teamwork. 
• Watching their coaches exercise positive self talk and kindness to others around them brings out the best in themselves and their self identity.  

Create a Culture of Acceptance

When there is no room for failure there is no room for growth. Fostering an environment that is not only safe for kids to fail but encourages them to try again, helps kids develop a strong sense of self. Acceptance also transcends just failure; it also means that every person, regardless of their background, is welcome. We work together to actively create a space of belonging for every kid— no matter what walk of life. Through example we encourage youth to accept their team members for who they are, treat each other with kindness, and create that culture of acceptance everywhere, so that when they reflect on themselves and their own identity they treat themselves with the same level of respect and positivity that they give others.

Empowerment Through Experiences

For kids, experiences shape their inner voice that gives them confidence and character. Not all experiences in life are easy, and when we empower youth to persevere and stay true to themselves, we bring out the best that’s inside of them. First Tee exists to enable kids to build the strength of character that empowers them through a lifetime of new challenges. As time goes on, that empowerment creates a strong sense of self, and encourages a positive self identity even in difficult situations. 

Though a positive self identity may seem like something only some people are born with, it is really something that can be cultivated through leading by example, an open culture of acceptance, and consistent empowerment through all experiences. What do you want your child’s inner voice to sound like when they grow up? Nurturing their self identity can make all the difference in that. We guide kids and teens to strengthen what’s inside and put it into action. If you are interested in getting your child involved with First Tee, you can learn more and sign up today! 

Every conversation can be an opportunity to learn something new, build trust with someone, and deepen connections. This happens when we build the skill of active listening and learn to treat listening as an active process – not a passive one. 

What is Active Listening?

Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It’s about being present, listening to understand (not respond), and showing active interest and engagement in the dialogue.  

Why does it matter? 

Active listening is an important skill for all of us to cultivate. Not only is it an important leadership skill, it has been shown to promote mindful thinking, can reduce anxiety and depression, helps build relationships and can promote empathy.  

How do we practice it?

At First Tee, we use a process called A-L-R to help build connection through active listening. This helps us to deepen conversations, keep them going, and get the most out of them. Here’s how A-L-R works:

• Asking questions: Asking thoughtful questions is not only a way you can keep the conversation going, but it gives you a deeper understanding of the person or topic you are engaging with. 
  
  • Helpful Tip: Be curious. Try asking questions that dig a bit deeper: How did they feel in that moment? What was going on in their minds during that experience? What would they do differently the next time? These make the conversation richer, rather than closed-ended questions that are typically answered with a simple Yes or No.  

• Listening to understand: When you ask a question, it is important to listen carefully to what the person is saying. We can sometimes be fixated on what we are going to say next, or when it’s our turn to jump back into the conversation, but try not to think about what you are going to say next.. Your focus is on them and their perspective rather than your own. 
  
  • Helpful Tip: Make an effort to try to clear your mind first of any distracting thoughts. It can help to jot down a mental or physical note of things on your mind in order to give your full attention. 

• Reflect & respond to the reply: Keep the conversation going by responding in a way that connects with what they just said. You can try to restate in your own words what the person said, share what you think or feel about it, or ask another open-ended question that connects with what the person just said.
  
  • Helpful Tip: Show engagement and interest in what they are saying: look them in the eye when they are talking, use body language like nodding your head.

Active listening requires work, but you’ll be surprised at how much reward there is when you approach conversations and communication with this skill. Active listening is just one of the skills we are supporting kids and teens to build at First Tee. Click here to find out more about our programs.

Character Gap: A Report from First Tee and The Harris Poll

Sports remain a cornerstone for fostering both well-being and character development.

A new study between First Tee and The Harris Poll finds that among parents whose child plays sports, 92% say their child’s activities have a positive impact on social health. 

Learn More

Whether it’s the kind of change we choose or the unexpected kind, it can be hard, uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Change comes in different shapes: having to shift to online schooling, starting college or moving to a new city, a tree in the line of our otherwise perfect shot. We know change is inevitable. Our ability to adapt to changes is what can determine our success both on and off the course. 

Understanding our relationship to change can be an important first step in developing adaptability. To do this we can ask ourselves: How comfortable am I when unexpected things happen? Do I see change as a good or bad thing? How do I feel when changes are happening – do I get anxious or do I find it energizing? Am I open to changes to my routines or do I avoid them at all costs? 

Having tools or a process can help us effectively deal with changes, and become more comfortable overtime. At First Tee, we utilize a tool called STAR to support kids and teens to build their confidence as they deal with challenges and changes on the course and in daily life. Try it out for yourself: think of the last change or shift that occurred in your daily life and try these 4 steps. 

STAR

• Stop: This is where you pause and give your mind a break. Take a breath. What are things that help you calm down? 
• Think: Consider your choices. What are some of the choices you have in this situation? Think of it from all angles.  
• Anticipate: This means to look ahead. What could happen (good or bad) as a result of each choice? Think about how each consequence will affect your ability to reach your goals.
• Respond: Select the best choice of what to do. Each person’s “best choice” may be different from the next. The best choice is one that helps you progress to your goal while maintaining your values. 

There is no guarantee to successful outcomes, but these techniques and routines can help us more effectively deal with change. This helps us grow into stronger individuals, better equips us for whatever comes our way, and can create new opportunities along the way.  

Want to get involved with what we are building at First Tee? Click here to find out more. 

“Who has made a fabulous mistake we can all learn from?” 

This is something you might hear one of our coaches ask a group of participants. What comes next is a flood of responses – everything from forgetting to clean their room, an embarrassingly rogue golf swing, getting a horrible test grade, to regretfully saying something mean to a friend.  

What the coaches are supporting participants to learn is something we all continually confront in our daily lives: how to grow through challenge. Building these muscles of resilience at an early age – and learning to build them in fun ways – is something we see to be transformative for young people. It’s about helping them see the value of a growth mindset when dealing with adversity and failure. This becomes a tool they can carry inside them to any challenge. 

How do we build resilience? 

Part of this process is to see the concept of FAIL as simply a First Attempt In Learning. Try it for yourself. Here is an exercise you can do with a partner (perhaps a friend or family member, or by yourself): 

1. Think of a personal story about a time you made a mistake or failed at something in your life. Describe how it felt, what you thought, and share any details you feel comfortable sharing. 
2. Invite your partner to offer insight into what you might have learned from that instance. Share from your own perspective what you learned from that mistake or failure. Highlight the ways that the mistake or failure really wasn’t a failure at all. 
3. Switch roles and ask your partner to do the same. 
4. Finally, reflect on how mistakes can help you discover inner strength. 

Failure is a necessary component of success, not the opposite of it. So in the face of failure, stop and look at it differently. See what you can learn and find the ways in which it helps you to build yourself even stronger for the next challenge.

Having someone that you can look up to and go to for support is one the most important things a kid can have. Mentors give youth (and even adults) the confidence they need to confront challenges and come up with their own solutions. They provide a safe place for kids and teens to be themselves and have fun, while also learning valuable life skills.  

A great mentor has many traits— they can be a role model, cheerleader, policy enforcer, advocate, and friend to the students they work with. First Tee mentors have a sincere desire to be involved with their students, and treat them with respect. They practice active listening skills and empathy, while also seeking solutions and opportunities for those they work with. 

We celebrate each of our coaches, and recognize them for the unique role they play in young lives. In fact, research shows that First Tee participants think of their coaches as more than just teachers and counselors, but real mentors who have made a positive difference in their lives. 

Here are four ways a mentor impacts their mentees that were inspired and created by what our junior golfers have to say about their coaches:

1. Mentors show that you can never stop learning

They are always growing and showcasing that to their mentees who can feel inspired by how they adapt to life’s challenges.

“I constantly heard that sport emulates life, and life emulates sports. I didn’t understand this concept until I started the First Tee program. Through this sport, I learned accountability and responsibility for my actions and how to respond to adversity.  These lessons have affected my thinking about the impact I have on those around me and how important it is for me to strive to be my best self.”  – Quincy Crawford, participant, 2021 Scholar

2. Mentors help inspire students to be game-changers

Not just for themselves, but in their everyday lives and especially with their peers.

“Having an amazing mentor through the First Tee who I have developed a strong relationship with has inspired me to help others find mentors that can help them through their education and career.” – Remi Shendell, participant, First Tee Scholar

3. Mentors teach the importance of active listening

Not only do they offer support, but they show how valuable it can be to listen to someone in both good and bad times.

“Coach Mary Beth McGirr has been a major influence in my life, helping me with golf and with learning critical life skills that will aid me throughout my life. She took me under her wing and has been a shining example for me to follow. Additionally, as a woman, she has been an amazing mentor and example of a strong, confident female for me to look up to and admire. Coach Mary Beth has been one of my biggest fans and encourages me to do my best. She takes time to talk about my golf, life, family and personal struggles. She has been an excellent example of a strong leader and businesswoman who consistently gives back to the game and the community.” –  Alyssa Caraballo, The First Tee of Roanoke Valley

4. Mentors guide students to lead by example

It’s easy to tell someone what to do, but more impactful to give students the tools and examples they need to come to their own solutions.

“Coach Donnie Caldwell, PGA has given me great advice with my golf but more importantly, in my life. He has told me ‘make choices today that you’ll be proud of tomorrow.’ I used to just make choices that seemed the easiest or most convenient. But now I take time to think about those big decisions and how my choices may also affect others. Without him and his advice, I don’t know where I would be with my life, and that’s scary. He has made me a better person and he has shown me how to make the most of my life.” – Braxton Caldwell, First Tee of Pine Mountain

As you can see, the impact of a great mentor is one of our strongest tools in life. Our mentors work to guarantee students that there is someone who cares about them and who will assure them they are not alone in dealing with challenges. Offered at more than 1,200 locations, our program was developed by experts in the field of positive youth development and is delivered by trained coaches, or as our participants say— mentors! 

Check with your local chapter about how you can become a mentor to a junior golfer in your community.